Second Careers for Failed C.E.O.s
By
Sara Clemence ⋅ 3:16 pm February 10, 2009 ⋅
One comment
Everyone is slamming C.E.O.s for their incompetence and excessive spending (conveniently forgetting that two years ago we didn’t care as long as we were making money, too). These guys don’t need to be judged—they need sympathy, understanding, and most of all, job advice.
After all, chief executives are getting laid off too—at the
average rate of six per day in 2008. So we thought we’d suggest second careers for some of the Recession’s fallen corporate heroes, specially tailored to their tastes and talents.
Jimmy Cayne: Pot Dealer
In late 2007, a
Wall Street Journal story claimed that while his company was going into meltdown mode, the C.E.O. of Bear Stearns was
busy golfing, generally being M.I.A., and smoking doobies. He
denied the reefer business, but that didn’t keep Bear from going under last March. We suggest he try his hand on the other kind of street. Sure, Freakonomist Steven Levitt famously pointed out that drug dealers tend to live with their moms because they make so little profit, but that would be fitting, too.
John Thain: Interior Designer
John Thain
spent $1.2 million to redesign his office in the year Merrill Lynch had to be rescued by Bank of America. That included $800,000 for Obama interior designer Michael Smith, $87,000 for an area rug, and $11,000 for fabric for a roman shade— making
Dennis Kozlowski look like a penny pincher. PayScale.com says starting
designers make around $32K. But given Thain’s connections, tastes, and comfort with overcharging for his services, we suspect the ousted exec could do better.
Angelo Mozilo: Tanning Bed Salesman
We know the ex-C.E.O of failed mortgage lender Countrywide Financial is good at selling—from 2004 to 2008, he
cashed out of nearly $470 million in stock—and the most notable thing about him these days is his tan. Why not work that to his advantage? Tip:
Friends of Angelo get extra UV.
Dick Fuld: Professional Boxer
The story about the former Lehman Bros. C.E.O. getting socked at the company gym turned out
not to be true. No matter—there are three good reasons for him to get into the ring: He
didn’t get severance after being canned in November, plenty of people would be willing to pay to see him get whaled on, and he’s practiced at
protecting his ass…ets.
Chuck Prince: Dance Instructor
In July 2007, the Citigroup C.E.O.
told the Financial Times that he wasn’t worried about a liquidity problem in the private equity market. “As long as the music is playing, you’ve got to get up and dance,” Prince said. “We’re still dancing.” Four months later, he
resigned. Perhaps he has a future in teaching other people moves, but here’s the catch:
He can never turn the music off.
Alan Fishman: Demolition Expert
Fishman was C.E.O of Washington Mutual for just 18 days—during which time there was a run on the bank that prompted the
feds to shut it down. Then it came out that his contract gave him more than
$6 million in severance. (He wisely
said he wouldn’t take it.) But just think of the potential—the man doesn’t need explosives to blow things up! Just make him a sweet deal and let him stand in the building for a couple of weeks.